The Real Me

The Real Me

WARNING: ABOUT TO GET BRUTALLY HONEST, IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT, STEP AWAY NOW!

I am not just a mother, step mother, wife, SAHM, sister, daughter, friend….I am many things and have many faces………..

True, I am a 27 year old mother of one daughter named Brianna age 9 and two soon-to-be step daughters Aimee age 12 and Cheyanne age 10. (Estrogen central here) I live and breathe my children and can’t wait to have many more. I am soon to be married to a very wonderful and giving man named Kenney who I have been with just shy of 7 years and love like no other. He gives me all I want, takes care of my every need, fills each of my desires, and rocks my world like no other could. I love that man of mine. (lol)

I recently lost my dad, who was my entire world. (Daddy’s Girl all the way) It has made me a different person, as expected. Just like any other life altering event (birth, death, divorce, ect.) it changed me for the better (I hope) and made me look at the world and the people in it totally different than I did before. It made me see passed the bad in people, the hatred, the lust for pain and revenge. It made me see that we are all just small pieces in this giant puzzle, that I myself haven’t exactly figured out yet. And we are all struggling to survive and maintain in this world. It made me cherish each moment with each person I hold special in my life. I realized you could never have too many damn pictures, even the bad ones…..You could never give too many hugs to those you love, even if they squirm to get away…..You could never find enough close friends to share your laughter and tears with, even if they weren’t always the easiest to get along with…and you could never truley love that special person enough, to show the way you actually feel.

I do hold my friends near and dear to my heart. The ones I speak to everyday and the ones I talk to only a few times a year….the ones I have known all my life…and the ones I have only recently met, even if only through this magical little screen that sits upon my cluttered desk……The ones who know every detail about me and all my dirty little secrets and those who know only the basics, but still choose to dig for more. I love having close girl friends, but I too must admit, I have few. They are hard to come by and even harder to keep.

A wise friend once told me that some friends are only in your life for a season (a reason)…they fill the thing that needed to be met and then they are gone whether through no fault of your own or ill-will. They were only there to fill some need or want that was lacking in your life at that moment and once that quota was met, they were just no longer needed, whether they meant the world to you or not. I wish I could find more great friends, the kind you carry with you to your grave. I just don’t think this world has enough of those these days. It seems like great friendships are becoming more rare as years pass.

I also love my family with a love that can’t be explained. No matter who is getting along (or not), regardless of the newest family drama (or lack there of)….I love each one of them. To describe my family (mother, father, siblings, ect) would be like describing the Osbourne family, or so someone once said to me. lmao. In a few words, my mother….all 5 ft 90lbs of her, quick to fight a man, pull her gun, or kick ass if needed….owns a bar and refuses a bouncer because she can take the world….lol….my dad, oh God rest his sweet, sweet soul…what a good man he was. A quite large and scary man, but with a heart of gold and only good. He could lay a man out cold with only one punch, swear to it, saw it myself. He taught his sons to be self sufficient young men that worked for what they needed and took care of their familys…but taught his daughter, his one and only baby girl…that no one could touch her, hurt her, or let her down cause daddy would always fix it, she wouldn’t have a reason to depend on anyone else cause daddy would always be there to fall on. What a great man he was. My brothers, well their a little harder to describe. One is a hater, a hater of all living breathing things in this world, regardless of race, culture, or sex…he hates them all including hisself, but somewhere deep down, I mean really deep down, he inherited my dads heart of gold, just only towards certain people….the other, well he wasn’t so bad, until dad died. He kinda strayed off the path and lost his way then, but I have faith he will return one day. God will bring him back.

As crazy as they all sound, they are wonderful in their own ways and I love each of them. I owe them my life in more ways than one.

~Now back to me. lol~

I am many many things. But none of these things include a racist, a thief, a back stabber, a two timer, a double crosser, or a shit talker. I don’t consider myself better than others or above anyone else. I don’t play nicey-nice to your face and then ruin your reputation when you aren’t looking. I ain’t the bitch after your man, because I have a damn good one of my own. I don’t trust anyone, but yet I am a very trusting person once you earn it. I don’t take no ones shit, because I know I don’t have to. I have never been scared to speak my mind or voice my opinion, afterall that is what freedom of speech is for, right? I have never been conceited because I can’t even seem to get convinced. I don’t take nicely to others imposing on my territory, afterall I didn’t share as a kid and I ain’t sharing now. (man wise)

I tend to surround myself with others like me, but not the same because different makes it fun. I have never been one to judge someone because of the way they look, the color of their skin, or the path in which they chose to walk. I try to remember we are all equals in this world and are all trying to find our ways in a place way too big for us. Although I too am human and make mistakes, I have my faults, and sometimes make judgments before I should.

I am not scared of anyone, even though I know there is always someone bigger and badder. However, I am terrified of things that go bump in the night. I don’t like fighting and arguing, but there is something in me that won’t let me walk away. I must always have the last word and that is a terrible and pesky little fault to have that always leads to harsh words, ill feelings, and more problems than I wanted to begin with.

I am not a politcal person, wasn’t raised that way, just never have been. I guess in the long run I don’t care who the president is, as long as I can walk and talk freely, wear the cutest clothes, spend hours on the phone, and get my hair and nails “did”. (lol)

I don’t particularly like Bush, infact I think he is one of the worst presidents this country has ever seen…but what right do I have to voice that opinion and push it on others, or complain…when I infact did not vote to sway the decision one way or another when it mattered or counted.

I don’t like walking on egg shells to avoid offending someone, but I always take into consideration their feelings. I don’t like having to learn another language just to buy things at the corner store, but I choose to because it makes my life a little easier. I don’t like the fact that the schools have removed the “Under God” part from the Pledge of Allegiance, but I sit quietly and do nothing because I don’t want to hurt someones feelings or offend them in some way, when in fact I truley don’t care about their feelings because why should I, they don’t seem to care about mine. I don’t like the fact that Christmas has lost its meaning or tradition, but you can’t please everyone these days.

I hate what this world has come to. I hate that are children are shooting up their schools and hurting one another. I hate that we are slowly killing one another off for reason unknown to me. I hate that it has become so hard to trust others because of the things in our past that have once burned us so fiercely.

I am not a very religious woman, but grew up going to church evey Sunday with my grandmother. I do believe in Heaven and think I will get there someday. However, I don’t think I have to attend church each week to do that. Afterall, I haven’t been that bad, right? I don’t believe in just one religion, because I haven’t found one I think is totally right or makes complete sense. However I do believe their is a God out there, some thing bigger than us and more unique than we could ever be. Afterall something created the world we co exist in.

I do consider myself an excellent mother, great friend, remarkeable lover (yes, I said it!) and awesome daughter. I do think that I am a great person to be around with a sense of humor all of my own. I also think that I am unforgettable, even if you only know me for a second in time. I agree that I am hard to get along wtih at times, but even harder to live without.

I know that for anyone to once have known me, befriended me, loved me, or lost me….then they have known someone great. In that I am happy!

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Published in: on February 20, 2007 at 3:19 am  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Loved it the first time… love it now. Great post, honey!


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