I Think I Missed My Generation.

*originally posted on Cafemom

There just isn’t another way to put it! I really missed my generation. I look around at people today, neighborhoods today, schools today…..and I wonder…what happen to the simpler times? Where did they go and how will we ever get them back? Is it even possible anymore to resurrect them?

I wonder if there are any other good parents out there, truly good parents. The kind that love their kids more than their own lives and put them before all else. The kind of parents that instill values, morals, and the sense of a hard days pay into their children because they want more for them in the future than what they had in the past.

I would lay my life down for my child without a moments hesitation, without a second thought, without notice. But yet, I question whether I am as good of a parent as I believe myself to be. I think to myself, “Am I doing this right at all?” And then I simply *sigh*….and say….”Ok where is the handbook, the instructions?” lol. Wouldn’t that be great. A quick index to reference to when in need of some fast and dependable advice. How easy that would make motherhood and life in general, to have a handy dandy “Moms guide to a good kid and everything else there is to know” book…… But we all know it isn’t like that at all. Things aren’t that easy, and it seems as generations go, things only get worse for our children! I can’t help but ponder over the thought of “Why?” Where did we lose sight that our children are the most important and intelligent creatures in the world? They learn from our wins and losses, our love and hate. We teach them how to be the person they are becoming, and then get mad when we don’t like the results we see. Who’s fault is that?

Now see, I started thinking about this when I come across a great black and white picture of someones Christmas long ago…..It really just made me think about how nice it must have been to raise your children in those days. Back when everyone knew everyone, everyone knew who you belong to and if you messed up, ol’ Mr. Johnson would walk your little butt straight home and let your father know you had just busted out that window and tell him how he should tan your hide …..or…. Mr. Smith at the corner store, who made you work off that penny cent piece of gum he caught you stealing the other day. Not because of the value of money it had, it wasn’t that much, but because of the lesson it would teach you.

The kind of times when there were no XBOX 360’s for our spoiled ass kids to demand for Christmas, No $30 Bratz Dollz for our daughters to throw tantrums over in the stores, No Too-Damn-Big Flat Screen TV’s for our husbands to hint around about wanting, even though your living room isn’t big enough and it is more TV than anyone needs anyways…….The times before we had all become so selfish and self centered….before everything had to come in bigger sizes, larger quantities, and more styles just to satisfy everyone. Before things had to move faster, go faster, seem faster, just so our impatient asses could get there quicker, go there faster, ….

Back before people had to watch there every word said, or idea spoken. Before we all became so easily offended by someones opinion or belief. When you could speak your mind freely amongst others and simply just have a discussion instead of fuming arguments. When you could express opinions openly without the worry of what could happen later. When you could take beautiful pictures and show them off, without someone judging them, or degrading them with the words spoken.

Back when there weren’t children shooting up schools and society blaming it on the music they listened to. When in-fact the blame falls onto the shoulders of the parents, teachers, and mentors of these very children…..Who let them get so far off track, so far from reality…..that they have done something so unspeakable, inhumane, unbelievable…..that it sends shockwaves across the nation. It falls upon the shoulders of the people who saw that child acting out, asking for help, and did nothing because it wasn’t their job, or their fault, or they just didn’t have enough time to be bothered.

I assure you, it wasn’t the Marilyn Manson cd they were listening to, the GTA game they were playing, or the new horror movie they watched….It simply falls back to the way they were raised, with a few exceptions, I do agree. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how good of a parent you were, how attentive you were, or how often you were there. And I realize that. But I speak from experience when I say I love Marilyn Manson’s music, have played every GTA game put out, and watch all the horror movies I can. Yet, i have never stabbed a fellow student, shot up my school, killed my parents, or anything else remotely close to that.

What happen to the days when our children settled their battles with their words or even fist instead of shootings, drivebys, and stabbings. When the biggest problem our daughters had were getting on the cheer leading squad and who will ask them to the prom, instead of STD’s, Pregnancy, and Heartbreak….Not to mention quitting school or flunking out, whichever came first….Dead end jobs and minimum wage…If they even have a job. And most likely raisng their children on their own because the dad is in prison.

What happened? Did society as a whole deteriorate so far, that we have let our children down, each other down, and ourselves down? What happened to the morals and values we were raised with so long ago, did they just die off? What happened to raising our children with respect so that once they grew up they would know how to act around civilized people?… Instead of crazy little monkeys swinging from chandeliers and breaking expensive vases. Where did the “Yes Ma’am and No Sir’s ” go…..When did we quit sitting down to dinner together at the dining table instead of in-front of the TV watching another rerun?……

With this, I add….I know in each of you whether you agree or not….this makes you think of that little kid at the store the other day that was screaming at his mother and just acting a fool, but could his mother control him….NO! Society was watching and she didn’t want to hear the whispers and see the stares……This also reminds you……Of all the tragic shootings in our school systems recently because Little Billy couldn’t handle the kids remarks about his weight, where he came from, or what he looks like…It especially reminds you ……Of how gang crime seems to stay steady even though local enforcements promise it is at an all time low. really? Explain that to the little girl that just lost her dad to a bullet because he tried to leave his former life and go straight, just to be her daddy.

I guess I just missed out on the days when kids were able to play outside without the utter fear of someone taking them, when going to the movies in groups was as close as our teens got to a dating, and being at school never ended with you losing your life to a crazed student with a gun and a mission.

Published in: on February 20, 2007 at 3:36 am  Leave a Comment  

To Fly or Not to Fly: That is the question!

*originally posted on cafemom

to fly or not to fly: that is the question

Well flying refers to alot of things when you really think about it. Airplanes, Hot Air Balloons, Birds, Helicopters, ect…Even sky diving could be considered a form of flying, you are suspended in the air, high up, for a moment in time…….So really I guess it depends on what you are refering to, for me to decide how I feel about it.

Like, being a bird would be awesome. (I think) Because you could soar over mountains, oceans, deserts, ect…..there would be no limit to how far you could go, how high you could soar, or how fast you could fly. There would be no congestion, I wouldn’t think, since there aren’t as many birds in the skys as assholes on the interstates (Sorry, potty mouth this morning)….BUT then there would also be the excess hair that covered most of your body, eating gooie worms for dinner and regurgitating them for your young (Eww!) , not being able to wipe after poo-ing (which in itself is Gross!), and of course the little lice (laos) bugs that you would be infested with, which would drive me absolutey nutts. (Itchy now!)…So over all I guess in realty, I wouldn’t really want to be a damn bird. lol

Hot Air Balloons, well they seem cool. I have never been in one, but I am sure it is a form of flying as well. Considering you are in the air (Hence, hot AIR balloon) and not on the ground….You would see beautiful scenery, not go too high, and and be limited on distance. Which could be good or bad, depending on what you were looking for. But atleast when flying got tiredsome, you could just land and be a non flyer again. Unlike the bird, which will forever be a flying entity.

Aiplanes (helicopters, or any other form of this), No Way!!!! Not for me. I didn’t do airplanes before 9/11…(R.I.P. All the American souls we lost that tragic day)…….when they fell outta the sky by accident or due to mechanical failure…but now people make huge, steel, fuel cans…. plummit to the ground in big fiery crashes. So no thank you!!! If this is the only way I will ever be able to fly, then I guess flying wasn’t meant for me. If it was, I would have wings attached to my body, that I controlled…..

Skydiving, well it sounds fun and is probably a great adrenaline rush and addiction. But for me, I don’t like the idea of “no strings attached”….lol….I am more the person who needs some sort of security or guarantee, and with this crazy little stunt, there are none of neither. It is just you and …… well…….. You!…You have to depend your entire life, well being, future…. on the bag on your back that may or may not open and may or may not have a good parachute in it………Hell No! I would be the crazy lady who couldn’t even get on the plane (refer to my last paragragh), there would be no way if I did get on it, that you could get me to agree to get ((jump)) out of it while thousands of feet from the ground, which might I add, will “Hurt Like Hell” when you hit…..So again, No thank you! Not for me.

Well these are all the ways my tired, groggy brain could think of in the early morning, that include ways to fly or things that give you the capabilities or illusions of flying. Enjoy!

Published in: on February 20, 2007 at 3:35 am  Leave a Comment  

The Real Me

The Real Me


I am not just a mother, step mother, wife, SAHM, sister, daughter, friend….I am many things and have many faces………..

True, I am a 27 year old mother of one daughter named Brianna age 9 and two soon-to-be step daughters Aimee age 12 and Cheyanne age 10. (Estrogen central here) I live and breathe my children and can’t wait to have many more. I am soon to be married to a very wonderful and giving man named Kenney who I have been with just shy of 7 years and love like no other. He gives me all I want, takes care of my every need, fills each of my desires, and rocks my world like no other could. I love that man of mine. (lol)

I recently lost my dad, who was my entire world. (Daddy’s Girl all the way) It has made me a different person, as expected. Just like any other life altering event (birth, death, divorce, ect.) it changed me for the better (I hope) and made me look at the world and the people in it totally different than I did before. It made me see passed the bad in people, the hatred, the lust for pain and revenge. It made me see that we are all just small pieces in this giant puzzle, that I myself haven’t exactly figured out yet. And we are all struggling to survive and maintain in this world. It made me cherish each moment with each person I hold special in my life. I realized you could never have too many damn pictures, even the bad ones…..You could never give too many hugs to those you love, even if they squirm to get away…..You could never find enough close friends to share your laughter and tears with, even if they weren’t always the easiest to get along with…and you could never truley love that special person enough, to show the way you actually feel.

I do hold my friends near and dear to my heart. The ones I speak to everyday and the ones I talk to only a few times a year….the ones I have known all my life…and the ones I have only recently met, even if only through this magical little screen that sits upon my cluttered desk……The ones who know every detail about me and all my dirty little secrets and those who know only the basics, but still choose to dig for more. I love having close girl friends, but I too must admit, I have few. They are hard to come by and even harder to keep.

A wise friend once told me that some friends are only in your life for a season (a reason)…they fill the thing that needed to be met and then they are gone whether through no fault of your own or ill-will. They were only there to fill some need or want that was lacking in your life at that moment and once that quota was met, they were just no longer needed, whether they meant the world to you or not. I wish I could find more great friends, the kind you carry with you to your grave. I just don’t think this world has enough of those these days. It seems like great friendships are becoming more rare as years pass.

I also love my family with a love that can’t be explained. No matter who is getting along (or not), regardless of the newest family drama (or lack there of)….I love each one of them. To describe my family (mother, father, siblings, ect) would be like describing the Osbourne family, or so someone once said to me. lmao. In a few words, my mother….all 5 ft 90lbs of her, quick to fight a man, pull her gun, or kick ass if needed….owns a bar and refuses a bouncer because she can take the world….lol….my dad, oh God rest his sweet, sweet soul…what a good man he was. A quite large and scary man, but with a heart of gold and only good. He could lay a man out cold with only one punch, swear to it, saw it myself. He taught his sons to be self sufficient young men that worked for what they needed and took care of their familys…but taught his daughter, his one and only baby girl…that no one could touch her, hurt her, or let her down cause daddy would always fix it, she wouldn’t have a reason to depend on anyone else cause daddy would always be there to fall on. What a great man he was. My brothers, well their a little harder to describe. One is a hater, a hater of all living breathing things in this world, regardless of race, culture, or sex…he hates them all including hisself, but somewhere deep down, I mean really deep down, he inherited my dads heart of gold, just only towards certain people….the other, well he wasn’t so bad, until dad died. He kinda strayed off the path and lost his way then, but I have faith he will return one day. God will bring him back.

As crazy as they all sound, they are wonderful in their own ways and I love each of them. I owe them my life in more ways than one.

~Now back to me. lol~

I am many many things. But none of these things include a racist, a thief, a back stabber, a two timer, a double crosser, or a shit talker. I don’t consider myself better than others or above anyone else. I don’t play nicey-nice to your face and then ruin your reputation when you aren’t looking. I ain’t the bitch after your man, because I have a damn good one of my own. I don’t trust anyone, but yet I am a very trusting person once you earn it. I don’t take no ones shit, because I know I don’t have to. I have never been scared to speak my mind or voice my opinion, afterall that is what freedom of speech is for, right? I have never been conceited because I can’t even seem to get convinced. I don’t take nicely to others imposing on my territory, afterall I didn’t share as a kid and I ain’t sharing now. (man wise)

I tend to surround myself with others like me, but not the same because different makes it fun. I have never been one to judge someone because of the way they look, the color of their skin, or the path in which they chose to walk. I try to remember we are all equals in this world and are all trying to find our ways in a place way too big for us. Although I too am human and make mistakes, I have my faults, and sometimes make judgments before I should.

I am not scared of anyone, even though I know there is always someone bigger and badder. However, I am terrified of things that go bump in the night. I don’t like fighting and arguing, but there is something in me that won’t let me walk away. I must always have the last word and that is a terrible and pesky little fault to have that always leads to harsh words, ill feelings, and more problems than I wanted to begin with.

I am not a politcal person, wasn’t raised that way, just never have been. I guess in the long run I don’t care who the president is, as long as I can walk and talk freely, wear the cutest clothes, spend hours on the phone, and get my hair and nails “did”. (lol)

I don’t particularly like Bush, infact I think he is one of the worst presidents this country has ever seen…but what right do I have to voice that opinion and push it on others, or complain…when I infact did not vote to sway the decision one way or another when it mattered or counted.

I don’t like walking on egg shells to avoid offending someone, but I always take into consideration their feelings. I don’t like having to learn another language just to buy things at the corner store, but I choose to because it makes my life a little easier. I don’t like the fact that the schools have removed the “Under God” part from the Pledge of Allegiance, but I sit quietly and do nothing because I don’t want to hurt someones feelings or offend them in some way, when in fact I truley don’t care about their feelings because why should I, they don’t seem to care about mine. I don’t like the fact that Christmas has lost its meaning or tradition, but you can’t please everyone these days.

I hate what this world has come to. I hate that are children are shooting up their schools and hurting one another. I hate that we are slowly killing one another off for reason unknown to me. I hate that it has become so hard to trust others because of the things in our past that have once burned us so fiercely.

I am not a very religious woman, but grew up going to church evey Sunday with my grandmother. I do believe in Heaven and think I will get there someday. However, I don’t think I have to attend church each week to do that. Afterall, I haven’t been that bad, right? I don’t believe in just one religion, because I haven’t found one I think is totally right or makes complete sense. However I do believe their is a God out there, some thing bigger than us and more unique than we could ever be. Afterall something created the world we co exist in.

I do consider myself an excellent mother, great friend, remarkeable lover (yes, I said it!) and awesome daughter. I do think that I am a great person to be around with a sense of humor all of my own. I also think that I am unforgettable, even if you only know me for a second in time. I agree that I am hard to get along wtih at times, but even harder to live without.

I know that for anyone to once have known me, befriended me, loved me, or lost me….then they have known someone great. In that I am happy!

Published in: on February 20, 2007 at 3:19 am  Comments (1)